Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
