I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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