How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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