Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
