woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
