wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
even my farts smell like vagina
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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