im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
