I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
