I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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