i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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