I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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