Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
