Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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