when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
