I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My dick has a subreddit
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
