I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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