the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
