i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
