Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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