trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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