conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
