Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
