I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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