Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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