Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
