Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
