I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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