so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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