There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
