i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
