Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
