You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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