and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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