I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
