3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
