Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
