I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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