My Higher Power is John Stamos
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sorry about my life...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
