I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
