That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
