What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
