Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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