This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can I color on your dick again?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
