Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
