I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
