the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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