i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
