I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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