I wish I could teleport
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
