Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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