ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
please don't ironically join a cult
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